THey come to fix the plumbing and they are two men. They have tools, a big bag of them. One is cute in the way girls like, charming, compact, muscular. The other has more potential. I am reading 5 different types of porn when they arrive. Nicholson Baker (literary) Suzie Bright (annecdotal) Alan McKee (academic) The Horseman (bestial) and Grosz (queer). The bulk of their maleness fills the room. It is odd how my friends do not command the space like plumbers in uniform with tool bags.
I am not attracted to them, and yet it is impossible when you have five windows of writing about porn open on your laptop not to imagine the machinations. That is indeed a very fine shifting spanner you have there. Do you want the smallest one? asks the partner. Small, not smallest as the French say - he answers and that would be a sexual reference right there.
I am not a fan of men in uniform. I am not a fan of men in particular. Not this kind of man full of testosterone and a faint whiff of excrement. I prefer men and women who spend their lives reading and thinking. That is just the way I bend I suppose.
Still, there are plenty of double entendres that could be made with a dictionary of plumbing. Perhaps I will venture there next time there is a blockage in my pipes.