I saw bestiality today for the first time. How can this be true? I have written about it, thought about it, and yes, even googled it and still I didn't come across it in the virtual flesh till I was searching for the legal status of bestiality in Qld. Seven years by the way. Seven years in gaol for participating in what I saw today.
This is a venue for honesty. And yet whenever this subject comes up I m tempted to self-censor. You will want to know the details. We all do. When I read casestudies of bestial men I wanted to know how they did it. Did they have one preferred partner? Did they move from species to species? How did their menagerie react to them? Was there a sense of joy? or fear?
There were several videos to choose from. All dogs, but at first I didn't take the time to check. I wondered if it was illegal to watch this kind of thing. I wondered, even if it was for research, could they seize my computer, all my unpublished novels, short stories, ideas, all stupidly not backed up. My heart thudded. I felt sweat on my palms. I wondered if I was aroused by what I was about to see. I have a vague feeling that I am not aroused by sex with animals, but I had never seen it and I could not be sure.
Slippery slope. This is what they say. It is ridiculous of course but so many people believe it. One thing leads to another. If perhaps I click on the button that opens the world wide widow to sex with dogs, perhaps this is the step I need to plunge me into the darkness of my soul.
I have written about sex with dogs. I have written about this graphically, all the information I needed gleaned from videos of semen collection, the anatomical simplicities of the act. These medical necessities coupled with my own imagination and the result is something light and sexy, graphic but sexy. The result is a fantasy about love.
But the next ones are not so simple. For the next set I need to come clean with it. Sex, certainly, but love has no place in it. I need to find my own relationship to beasts. I need to find the beast that I am and lead it into the light.
And so I choose the Great Dane. I do this because I am writing about a Dane. I grew up with Danes. My hand is shaking when I click play. I hold my breath because maybe I am releasing a virus into my laptop. Worse perhaps, maybe I am releasing an image into my brain that I won't be able to escape, an image that will hound me. Funny, yes, I laugh a little nervously and all puns aside, I take a last deep breath and I watch.