Thursday, May 19, 2011

ready steady

From the 1st of June I will start upkeeping this blog. A sex scene a day just like in the old days. These scenes may not be true. I am interested in your responses to the work. I will remove the comments filter so that you can comment without me interfering.

What is going too far? A dear friend of mine hid me on facebook. I was re-posting youtube videos of people collecting semen from dogs. I was watching them as research for a scene I was writing. I needed to know the ins and outs of a dog's penis. I could not write from experience, but at least I could write from some visual stimulus. I thought that my facebook friends would be interested in sharing in this with me. Apparently I was wrong. I had crossed a line, his line. I was hurt because this man was a dear friend, my best friend and I felt that his hiding of me on facebook was some kind of betrayal. He is my best friend but I am probably not his. He draws his line above videos of dog penises, my line is somewhat further along than this. I suppose we all have our very different lines. I love him best, he loves someone else best. We can't bring someone along with us on our journey but we can travel side by side for a while if we are lucky, each with our very different responses to the world we are traveling through.

Apparently I am too rude for my university. This is something that makes me very sad at times, angry at others. I had thought my PhD would be about pressing forward into new territory. Research at the cutting edge would mean there was an edge and I would by inching closer to that edge, exhilarated by the idea that I might fall off, but also safe and supported by the creative writing faculty. It seems now that they will be my harshest critics. Work that was easily contracted and published by a mainstream publishing house I will have to struggle to push past my head of school. I am going to have to meet face to face with the head of school to explain and defend the pornographic nature of my research. Sex is still cause for concern. Sex is still not a valid form of expression.

When people have sex they are at their most vulnerable. Literature is best when it tells us something real and enlightening about human relationships. Most writers take people into the bedroom and then leave then just outside the bedroom door, resuming the interaction when all the huffing and puffing is done. But those moments behind the bedroom door are the most revealing. We human beings are so vulnerable when we make love. Our relationship with each other changes at the moment of intercourse. To leave that part of the exchange unspoken is to entirely miss the point. I am currently only concerned with those very intimate and extreme changes in our relationships that occur during intercourse. This is the story I have to tell. The edge I must feel for is the edge of acceptable sexual behaviour. I want to cross the line and re-draw it, pushing it incrementally further. This task leaves space for other writers to present their work in this newly claimed space. This will be my contribution to knowledge. This is what I will argue.

This blog will be the first place for me to begin my explorations. Your reactions to each post will be my measuring stick. From June 1st I will write one post a day. I will take risks. I promise not to let myself off the hook. I will not use a soft focus lens or spare myself from the more difficult sexual confrontations. I will look at the places that are hardest to inhabit, the perverse, the unknown, the forbidden and the biggest of the taboos.

Come with me on this journey.

3 comments:

Eliza said...

Krissy, good luck in your fight at uni. Universities should be places where lines are constantly being redrawn, discussed, redrawn....It saddens me to know that it is very rarely the case, regardless of the area of study. I look forward to the start of June and sharing this journey!
Much love
eliza

chaitee said...

looking forward to reading your posts!

in regards to this post, i'm not sure whether it's even a question of 'what is going too far?', not for me at least - i don't think i have a limit but there's certainly things that trigger the gag reflex; can't stand dog's dicks and it's not because i'm a prude, they just make me squirm. not in a good way either.

but there's very few things that get that response from me. a friend and i recently tried to push each other's limits in a facebook thread and found that we both balked a little at "would you rather drink you mother's menstrual blood, or your father's semen' but neither of us shied away from the topic (though i'm sure most of our mutual friends witnissing the exchange were disgusted).

i can easily discuss such a question but as soon as a dog's peen becomes visible, i lose my shit.

anyway, verbosity aside, i think there has to be people like you that force us to step outside our comfort zones and FEEL things, even if it's discomfort. how else are we to continue learning, particularly in regards to our sexuality. which is why it saddens me to hear you're deemed 'too rude' for your university.

(on a side note, have you read wetlands by charlotte roche?)

loplop said...

Thrilled that you are sharing it with us.