I remember when they were stories about things. Settings. Characters. Now it is all amorphous.I am too tired and distracted to picture a place and to do things in it. Today, at work, suddenly, I felt very old. Someone told me I looked tired.
I realised I have been behaving like a child. I smiled at a baby and said it was cute to a mother that was ten years younger than I am, or more. I think I meant it at the time. It was smiling. It seemed like an ok baby. When they had gone I just thought about how young she looked, the mother, and how I didn't have the energy for children.
I want a new way to masturbate. I have lost the heart for it tonight.