Friday, April 3, 2009

past stories

Past stories can't hurt you. Stories set in the here and now are more problematic. I cruise through the I did this and I did that with a passing glance. Plenty of space between me and that. No bumping up against, or maybe once but I bumped and pushed away and righted myself.

Now we are here.

I kid myself into thinking that if I punch through the veneer then I will be down to the same stuff that everyone can relate to, all the messy guts of life, foul smelling, rank. My thesis is that I will bring you with me, because surely it is the same for all, this aching mix of fear and anger, this pit of emotional turmoil. Cess pit.

But the difference between us is that I am all demons. No angels. The shame of it. I imagine we are similar, but we are not. There is something amis with me. I am the spiked coil of armour that I have inherited. It is genetic, some tragedy of biology which quarantines me. Which is fair. I know it. I may be mad but I am not yet delusional.

1 comment:

Kat said...

Past stories may not hurt you but they do shape you. They are part of your life's story , which have found you in the place or position you're in now. A successful woman & publishing Author.
This madness you speak of, I would guess, is what makes you unique, beautiful & enhances your creative edge! This genetic madness has gifted you with the ability to shape & assemble the written word in ways that others can only dream of.
I don't know you in your physical presence but have read through quite a bit of your blog. After having done this I would have to disagree with your self analysis of being all demons.
Especially when I read your post about your grandfather.