Monday, April 20, 2009

Angel and the heartless one

She is angel. She is sweetness and light. She is better than I could ever be. She is all love and easy emotion. She is forgiveness and laughter and a touch on the arm.

I am spiky. I am complicated. I am exhausting. I am all barbed honesty and mismatched juxtapositioning. I am never satisfied. I will not go easy on myself.

There is no comparison and yet I feel compared. There is nothing fair about this. There is nothing fair in games of the heart.

I have none. Heart. I have a hollow ache. I have the wind rushing though me. Still. I have sex. There will always be sex. And that is more than any heart could provide.


Kat said...

You do have heart Krissy, for without heart you would not be able to write as you do!
Angelic sweetness & light is in the eye of the beholder & the beholder is you! To recognise such qualities in another there has to be heart!
What you see of your own self is tainted with your own self perceptions. You really do need to go easier on yourself & realise that you are so much more than you believe.

Krissy Kneen said...

Kat. I know a lot of these posts are true, but I also know that this is all about literature. I write the true things even if they are sad and self-depracating. This is what literature is good at. I may be able to feel sad and happy all in the one moment. Please don't take the writing to heart. It is just passing observations.

Krissy Kneen said...

Hey Kat. Got your message. I meant to cick 'publish' but must have pushed the wrong button. Thanks. I know. I just don't want people to worry about me unnecessarily. I am more concerned with style than content most of the time and I wouldn't want people to be concerned for me.

Kat said...

That's fine!
'Concerned with style'..I like that!
I've seen & experienced so much over the years & I guess it has caused me interepret things through different eyes & with heightened sense of concern.
Caring, nurturing & listening to others is not only part of my nature but also my job description & it's hard to turn that off!

Thanks Krissy for your repsonse!