I bought myself flowers and they sagged and wilted in a day. They were tired, out in the world beyond the comfort of the air conditioning where they had grown up to be lazy. I bought them because I deserve flowers and so rarely receive them. I bought them because it has been a big year and I am so close to cutting myself off to drift out into a frightening sea.
The flowers were roses. Red. The colour of love, to remind me that I can be loved. Horribly sentimental. I resented myself for the gesture even as I bought them.The roses have thorns and leaves that are scattered with rust, and yesterday they had petals. But today they have sagged and closed up into weathered nuggets. Red roses the symbol of love. By afternoon perhaps their petals will be gone. We will wait and see.