Tuesday, February 24, 2009

No will power

We do not change. We are born with what we will have throughout our lives. When I was a child I would struggle to maintain my rage. I would be excluded from a game or would remain on the sidelines when team sports were played, and yet, if the same sporty girls needed help with an assignment I would be there for them, grudgingly, but there.

I am not really into you, they say, while they are inside me. Some kind of post-coital confession, and I feel sad. The sex was always fine, good, excellent at times. I would think, that is it. No more. I will never put myself in this position again. I would practice the word "no" and then, when the time came, I would be unable to utter it. Another chance. I will always give them another chance. I will not learn from the mistakes of the past. I will bound towards the foot that has just kicked me. I'm sorry, I will say, I didn't mean to protect my ego at the expense of yours. This is my fundamental nature.

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