Monday, February 16, 2009
I found a girl who makes me feel good about myself. She makes me want to run and jump onto things and off things. She is someone I want to follow and lead all at once. I have only a passing desire for her but I could develop something more substantial if I put my mind to it. I could allow myself some relief from what I have thrown at myself. I do not feel ugly around her. I feel relieved of some great weight. For the duration of one beer or two I do not judge myself. I would try but fail to shake myself free of what I have begun with other friends, but she is an addition that will bring a welcome perspective. She is part of my armory. She is my sharp weapon against the world. She is all edges and angles and I cannot see my way into a sexual tussle with her without the benefit of some kind of chain mail armour, but I will sleep on it. I will dream. I will whittle away the excess skin and flesh and flab that hides her skeleton inside me. I will settle into her and see how it makes me feel.